6 minutes
by lessbitchingmorestitching
Summary: Set just after the anniversary of Aidan's death and the roof collapse but set as if Carla and Peter never rekindled their love. !T/W throughout the whole story for mentions of death and suicide!


6 minutes.

That's all the time I have left.

6 minutes until the pain is over, 6 minutes until I finally die, 6 minutes until I leave this place they call home, the hell that is earth.

This is the moment I've been waiting for ever since I suffered that heartbreaking miscarriage in 2014, the moment I begged for, the moment that couldn't come quick enough yet now this moment is upon me I suddenly feel scared, like I need more time, like I haven't achieved everything I wanted to, like there's so much more I could have done with my life. If there's one thing I want to do in these final 6 minutes of my life it's to patch things up with Peter Barlow but that would be impossible. He doesn't care about me, in fact he doesn't even know that I'm here, he's probably partly the reason I am here, but that man is my soulmate and I can't believe it's taken me to the last 6 minutes of my life to realise that I should have given him a second chance after the affair. I don't know how to live without him, but at least there's only a few more minutes that I have to do that for.

I was suffering really badly to make it into hospital, I was blue lighted here a few days and put into a self-induced coma to increase my chances of survival, even though at that point they were slim to none. They never thought I was going to make it out of the coma alive, but I have done just to say my goodbyes and make peace with this earth, it's what I need to let go and to make if to death freely. As soon as I came out of the coma the doctor came round and told me that after extensive testing whilst I was in the coma he could conclude that I only have 6 minutes left to live, to anyone else their life would be falling apart being told that however I felt a sigh of relief, I couldn't wait to be out of this world, there is nothing left for me here anymore. He told me that I had done some serious damage, but honestly I didn't care, there was nothing I wanted more than to be away from this world, to be away from my own demons.

There are so many regrets I have about my life, so many things I wish I did differently, so many things I wish I could change. My whole life is flashing before my eyes, from the day I walked into the factory for the very first time, to the day Rob went to prison, to day I married Nick gosh what I was thinking, even I know that I could have found a better rebound from the love of my life, Peter Barlow. I spent a lot of my marriage with Nick pretending he was Peter, although I have to admit he was nowhere near as good in bed as Peter, that man sure knows how to rock my world. And finally to the day I lost my very dear brother Aidan. I wish I knew what he was going through, I wish I could've helped him, stopped him. I wish I was a better sister and now I know exactly what he was going through at that time, my heart absolutely breaks for him, I wish he had just opened up about what was going on but I mean I can't blame him I'm not one to open up either.

Peter tore me apart, that man took every bit of strength I had left inside of me when he was sleeping with the slag that they called the babysitter behind my back whilst I was pregnant with his child which he caused me to lose, he embarrassed me and made me look like a fool in front of the entire street, he was the one who made me let my guard down for once and then made me regret it all by betraying my trust, yet despite everything I still love him, I always will - well for the remaining 6 minutes of my life that I have left anyway, he made me who I am today yet he took that all away from me. I vowed to myself I would never take him back after he betrayed me like that yet now I'm laying here with only 6 minutes to live I regret not giving him a second chance, I wonder how different my life would have been if I did, if I would be happier, if we could have had another chance of having a little baby, I wonder if I would still be laying here on my death bed if I gave him a second chance. Another part of me wishes I was good enough for him the first time around so that he never would have cheated on me, so that we would have had our little baby girl and had the perfect life with her, that way my life wouldn't have been torn apart and my world wouldn't have come crashing down when I found out he was cheating on me.

My whole family are gathered around me in this hospital bed saying their last goodbyes, even Rob has managed to get day release to come and say goodbye to me, I'm not really taking in anything they're saying, it's surreal to be laying here on my death bed. I'm too busy thinking about the fact I'm dying and my life before that to listen to them but I can vaguely work out that they're sorry for how they treated me whilst I was alive and struggling and that they wished they did more to help me whilst they could but unfortunately it's too late for that now. It's funny how they never cared about me until I ended up on my death bed.

"How could you do this to yourself Carla, how could you rip yourself apart like this, how could you try and take your own life after everything we've been through with Aidan, you saw how upset we were when we lost Aidan yet you're lying in a hospital bed with 6 minutes to live after doing the exact same thing, how you could you take another child away from me when I've already lost one. Oh gosh is this all my fault... Am I losing all my children because I'm a terrible father?" I hear Johnny mumbling away, I think he's talking to me but I'm so out of tune with the world it doesn't sound like it.

I have almost no energy but I let out a response

"It's not your fault dad, you know how much I love you even if you weren't around for most of my life. It was the anniversary of Aidan's death, I felt like I had lost everything. I lost the only man I've ever truly love, my child, my brother and the factory, even Kate doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I had nowhere to turn, my own family wanted nothing to do with me after the roof collapse killed Rana, I was struggling so much and nobody wanted to listen everyone want to just put me down, I didn't know what to do anymore, so I did what I learnt how to do best, run away from my problems. But this time run away with them with death. I might come across as that strong girl who can take anything that comes her way but inside I'm the most vulnerable person I know, I couldn't do this on my own."

Kate began to let out a cry

"I'm... I'm...so...sorry...Carla" She let out between her tears

"I never would have treated you so coldly if I knew what you were going through, I can't believe I've let this happen especially after Aidan, I should have known better, I should have learnt from my mistakes but the grief... it just took over me, I wasn't, I still am not myself. I was so angry at you for making me lose Rana but now I'm losing my sister as well" I could hear Kate's heart breaking along with her words, but it's too late now. Why didn't she treat me like this when I was alive, maybe things could have been different if I had my family on my side. Kate hadn't been a good sister to me ever since the roof collapse, she blamed me for the fact Rana lost her life, she told me horrible things. She shouted saying that I was a selfish cow, that she hated me and that she wished I died instead of Rana, those words stung and were the ones I kept repeating in my head over and over on the anniversary of Aidan's death, the day that I couldn't take it anymore, the day that led me here.

Rob silently held my hand, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't been there throughout Aidan's death since he was in prison for murdering Tina, he had no idea what I was going through. I've always been angry with him since he killed Tina but he was my brother I missed him almost everyday, I wish he was around with me to help me through the hard times, I wish he was there to protect me, I wish he never went to prison but at the same time he deserved it, you can't just murder people and get away with it. I wonder how differently things would have been if he never went to prison but I suppose that's something we'll never know, I'm just glad he got granted release so I could spend my last few minutes on Earth with him. I could sense that he was feeling guilty about murdering Tina because it meant that he didn't get to experience my life with me anymore, he didn't get to be by my side whilst I was struggling, he didn't get to be the family who cared and the family I needed, I could sense he felt this was all his fault, that if he didn't murder Tina and was still here for me things never would have gotten this bad.

My mind began to float back to Peter, I can't stop thinking about how perfect he is and how much I wished he was here looking after me, how much I wished I had given him a second chance, I'm sure I could've found it in myself to forgive him if I wasn't so bloody stubborn. I felt so safe in his arms, he was always the one to protect me. In all these years we haven't been together, in all the time I spent with Nick I never missed him as much as I do in this moment -

And with that thought I hear some running down the corridor.

"PETER!" I exclaimed. Rob gets up to have an impolite word with him but he sits back down after realising how much my face has lit up as I could see Peter through the window, he pokes his head through the door

"I ran here as fast as I could" Peter struggles to say through his irregular breathing.

I was so excited to be reunited with Peter, there was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to sort out and most importantly I wanted to take my final breath in his arms, give him one final kiss, let him know how much I still love him and regret everything that happened between us.

Except in that moment of him poking his head around the door, that was moment my six minutes was up, the moment I took my final breath on the earth. As it turns out there never will be a conclusion to the iconic love story that was Carla Connor and Peter Barlow.


End file.
